


it's like i'm looking from a distance, standing in the background

by notthebigspoon



Series: D is for Dangerous [2]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you love me?”</p><p>	“What?”</p><p>	“Simple question, Posey.”</p><p>Title taken from Just A Dream by Carrie Underwood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's like i'm looking from a distance, standing in the background

“That was fantastic.”

“It kind of was, wasn't it?”

Brandon looks shy and kind of pleased with himself when he says it, rubbing the back of his neck. He's holding back, like he's afraid to come any closer, afraid to touch Buster after the home plate collision. Buster sighs and snaps his fingers to get his attention, holding his hand out. Brandon waits for only a moment before holding his hand out and lacing their fingers together. He tugs, just enough to throw Brandon's balance and uses that to tug his lover into his lap.

He ignores the surprised yet happy noise Brandon makes, just rests his cheek against Brandon's shoulder and closes his eyes, getting comfortable. And it is comfortable, even though it shouldn't be. Brandon is an inch taller than Buster and only slightly less heavy but Buster likes that. There's a comfort to the weight, not to mention the guy puts out heat like a furnace.

Calloused fingers brush over his neck and his hair and a soft kiss is pressed to the top of his head. Buster keeps his eyes closed, shakes his head slowly. “What are we doing here?”

“Winning, I hope.” Brandon laughs softly. But they both know that that's not what they're talking about. “Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Simple question, Posey.”

That's never a good sign. When they're alone, Brandon only calls him Posey if he's mad at him or he's trying to put some distance there, presumably so he won't get hurt. Buster thought they'd gotten over this last year but. No. Brandon needs that validation, wants to hear those words that Buster has never said. And Buster doesn't know if he can say it. He's never been good at this kind of thing.

“It's not that easy.”

“It's been over a year. I just... I thought maybe you would know by now.”

Brandon's voice is shaky and he moves out of Buster's lap, resisting attempts to pull him back. Buster had been sitting at the room desk, typing on his laptop when he'd snagged Brandon. Brandon moves away and sits on the edge of the bed. His hands are hanging between his knees and his hair is in his face. In spite of the beard, he looks young, afraid.

“I thought you'd know by now. I thought that this would have gone somewhere. Meant something more.”

“Brandon. We're both married. Where the hell is it supposed to go?”

The laugh that follows is bitter and makes Buster's skin crawl. “You're right. We're married. This isn't going anywhere at all. Wasted over a year on nothing. Stupid huh? Guess I should stop before you waste any more time.”

“Hon, please. Don't go.”

“G'night Posey.”

Brandon is up and out the door before Buster can do anything to stop him. He's left standing alone, watching the door slam shut behind his lover. He knows that he should go after him but he knows that he has no right. He wants to say he wasn't stringing Brandon along. He wants to say that they both knew what this was. But the truth is, it looks like he was the only one who knew.

The relationship went a lot deeper than two guys keeping each other company on the road. If he compared it, it really was like his relationship with Kristen. Just different equipment and no end game in mind, no future to consider because Buster didn't think that they could have a future together. Honestly, he still doesn't. Because he has kids. He's married and he loves his wife. Thinks he does. Things haven't been the same in a while and they've grown apart a little but people always say that having kids changes things, it takes work to be both a parent and a lover.

Except it's only hard with Kristen. With Brandon everything comes so easily. There's no striving to find the affection because it's just there, without him ever thinking about it. He'll wake up when they've fallen asleep together and find himself watching Brandon, wondering why the hell he feels so warm, why he doesn't want this to end and even sort of doesn't want to go home.

He's in love with the man he's having an affair with. Well, fuck.


End file.
